It's a saturday evening, just colored my hair and the background with Il divo and Andrea Bocelli, what more could i ask for. I had a very very eventful past week, and you could say this was one of the worst time in my life emotionally. Upheaval at Church draws the energy. If i could describe the feeling when the devastating news was told, it was this...i was shocked, my body just soften, i could actually feel the energy or strength in me being drained to my finger tips, that was how devastating the news was to me. Through the week, bouts of pain engulfed my days. As i go on my knees and ask God to restore things in church, i tear. From shock, my emotions turned to anger, how could this happen, what was he thinking? Disbelief, shock, anger and the whole spectrum of negative emotions surfaced. One evening the emotions of fear surfaced. I cried at midnight as i thought to myself, will i too fall? Even if i read my bible, spend my quiet time, pray and fellowship with other believers? Will i too fall? God help me, i do not want to fall, perhaps stumble but please do not let me fall. I had fear........
Things did not get any better in other areas of my life either. Someone whom i have such high esteem for and a soft spot for gave me more than an earful, a mouthful a byteful, you name it, i got it. Abuse, i don't know. Do i despise the person, no, not one bit. I hear what he says, whilst i wish he could find a better way to send the message, i listened and it was an awakening call for me. This morning, as i was down on my knees, i had a revelation. It was that there will be some who will be left behind and there is really nothing i can do. i resolved to just LOVE people as they are here, i would still want them to know my Lord, but i will not be so forceful. That way, both i and others live better. I resolved that i am a bond servant of Christ and it is not for me to question, but just do and obey.
I had a nice saturday afternoon with the girls, i don a silly hair band, i just wanted to be different and do not care if others thought me looney. i had a little bad news again, but i know it is for the better. My princess almost had a tenant but she decided not to proceed, the tenant felt the car park was important enough and for me, i say cest la vie......i prayed about it and i trust God thinks long term, this was not going to be a good tenant and He put the blocks, so i am ok with it. We get up and we try again.
It is almost 9pm and it has been a while since i have this peace. Thank you Lord and perhaps my friends who are praying for me, thank God indeed. I just re read my post and i think i know why i have the peace, I know God is near me, but also becasue for the first time in 3 months i spoke with my first born. She had not so good news,a nd it was quite amusing how she message saying she kind of lost her job.......i laughed with her and said you either lost it or you did not, you do not kind of. To my amusement, she said nicer la...., it's ok i thought as she was not really crazy about knocking on doors to solicit funds for Green Peace. I asked if i should pray again, and she said why i sounded as if it was a chore. i explained how specific i try to pray. We had a good chat, close to an hour. i am thinking next to God being with me, and having been prayed for, i know the conversation with my first born lifted my spirits. I love you girl and i know the right job will happen....and soon enough.
My pen rests.......photos of friends during my visit in chiangmai and the tree, an elephant painted that!!!bought it and am deciding whether i want to add some more colours to it.... combination man and animal work! Amazing indeed.
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