Room at the top of the stairs......happy happy moment

Just after a nice warm shower, smile on my face as Mark, my friend was pleased with the book I gave him as a farewell gift. In the background, I have Rod Stewart keeping me company on a saturday night with some jazzy music. Sigh ......... What more can an empty nester ask for....



Indeed today is truly a Happy Happy moment for me, no not my dog Happy, but truly me feeling happy today, specifically this evening. I smiled over and over again as I looked at my almost done room. My three walls have ICI's Brilliant White all over, and a DIY feature wall with a color akin to our local teh tarik. I must however say, it is a clever tone as it brings out a feeling of warmth and cosiness to the room.



It starts with me trotting down to IKEA late this morning, ready to make a purchase for my new wardrobe, but lo and behold.....it's out of stock! Fell in love this afternoon........no did not meet someone dashing......whisper....my heart's already taken. Oops did I just blog that........ Seriously, I fell in love this afternoon with an "Island Unit" in IKEA, but ouch........the price was quite a bit. Sigh.........holding my horses, I need to really ponder on that. It will be so pretty, and perhaps kind of a stand-offish or should I say Stand-Out to my already tired looking kitchen.

Early evening, my reliable handy"man"........first born Carol comes to my rescue. She mumbles as carting the bed from downstair to room at the top of the stair was not part of the bargain she anticipated. A little pretty please or we can do it another time did the trick. I became an instant apprentice as my daughter summoned me to get the tools. I scurry down....open the tool box, and bring to her 2 screw drivers, spanner and a wrench! She smiles and says ..........."Mom, I am not fixing any taps today". Quite frankly, I did not recognise or realise the big heavy heap of metal was a wrench, until Carol's response. Tongue-in-cheek, I told her this was the best hammer I could get my hands on.......chuckles.

Please pardon me, whilst I adore Tim Allen, my little blue tool box have stuff I do not know why it's there, and things which should be in the tool box is not quite there. We have though, MacGyver to thank but A wrench and spanner is transformed and becomes our hammer. With some noisy hammering , Spanner in hand and Happy as audience.........within minutes, Carol presents my beautiful white bed!!! Applaud.........

As quickly as she arrives, Carol takes leave and explains about the last minute shopping for her back packing trip. Ben (my favourite nephew and Carol's house mate) and Carol are globe trotting adventure style to Thailand, Laos etc. During a short car drive, I reminded her of a seasoned traveller's tip........bring your worst and soon to be discarded clothes and have the wear and throw attitude. Her eyes literally popped out and then lighted up when she heard about this tip..........

The sun goes down, my shorts go up and t shirt and up the ladder I go.........paint brush in one hand and paint tray in another as I balance myself to do the finish touch up of my feature wall. Splish splash......wall's done. As I sit on my new vinyl timber looking floor, I get my hands on fixing my 3 track curtain rails. The white sheers go up, ladder climb again, the next layer of curtains, white cotton with stripes and the valance........I switch on my lampshade........ah.......warm romantic light. Truly I cannot wait to sleep in my room again with book in hand and my lampshade which doubles as a reading light. Did I miss out an important detail.......Happy's got a new bed too, it's one of those cushy oval looking cushions I picked from Ikea.

It's late and I bid adieu lest I write someting giberish as I eagerly wait to go back and sleep in my old new room...

How does one balance ....

It's the weekend again, and I just returned from a farewell party. I've known Mark for about 5 years now, but truly....... I only REALLY GOT TO KNOW Mark a little more just a couple of months ago. He's a fellow volunteer I work with and the farewell party was to wish him well. He's a young man with a very good attitude towards life. A person with deep thoughts and someone I felt I was just starting to connect with........and now he's leaving.


Whilst I enjoyed the time the few of us were together talking about differing subjects, What I truly liked was the opportunity to get dressed up and be with people whom were very much part of my daily life. Whilst on the outlook, I exude a personality as one who is easy going and cheerful, I sometimes am confused with whom I really am or what exacty is my authentic personality?. My conscious rationalises I am the "spark" because I will do what I feel the environment needs. I have caught myself more than once where I "am the live wire" and then I exit when the momentum gets going. Why do I do that? On a more intimate level, I know I am not comfortable with big parties or cocktails, I would rather intimate and small get togethers....just like what we were doing this evening. In a way, I guess I am more a listener than a talker.


In the party, because I wanted to make an effort to participate, I opened my mouth and I raised a question. The question was if they could remember what was the happiest moment in their lives. What I, initially thought was a simple straight forward question yielded many other opinions and comments that threw me off a little. During the short journey car ride back, I asked my friend Mark to elaborate what he meant when he said the word "separation".... You see what happened was, tears welled up in my eyes when the thought of Mark leaving came to mind. If I could be a little more descriptive, it was as if a small part of my heart was being torn away. His response was plain and simple "Attachement".


Mark is one of the few colleagues I have a good feel about. His persona, and his simplicity is something I find admirable and rare, a quality of a man so young of age. I thoroughly enjoyed our repartee when we had opportunities for short chats. Mind you, Mark is a young man in his early 30s and started volunteering when he was in his 20s! I have also learnt this young man........donates blood regularly, monthly or bi monthly ...........and since college or early working life!!!


Mark reminded me that I am, by comparion, someone who is very in tune with my feelings, and thus simple things can just trigger my senses". I paused to reflect and then agree. I was reminded that when one is high on emotions, one is low on mindfullness i.e. living in the present. Whilst all these were happening , another fellow colleague chips in and said matter of factly............"You have a lot of emotional baggage", and yet another quips in to suggest thoughts that TOMORROW WILL BE THE HAPPIEST MOMENT IN MY LIFE.


Driving back, three things dominated my thoughts.........


- How do I become less intense with my emotions? I know fully well from a conscious level that
extremeties in anything is not good.
- How do I deal and unload my baggage?
- How do I develop a habit of preparing my mind to create the thought that my
HAPPIEST MOMENT IS TOMORROW and now???


These are thoughts for me to mull over.......... the weekend and over and over again. I pray for insight as the going ons continue in THIS EMPTY NEST. Tomorrow.........is a new day and I am going to be happiest as I am going to give myself the New Wardrobe, fix my New bed, New mattress.......A NEW LIFE........in a way.

Liberated.....?

Is that a synonomous word for my present situation? I really don't know. What I do know is my nest has been totally empty for more than six months now. It's just Happy and me for now. As I type this in the wee hours of a saturday night, or shall I say the early morning of a Sunday......., Happy is lying right beside near my feet as I am plonked in front of this lap top exercising my fingers.

So what does an empty nester do when the "Chicks have flown off the cuckoo nest"? I keep myself occupied. Now that I am (as a friend reminds me) on the
"WRONG SIDE" of the 40s and sort of semi retired, I live my life the way (at least most of the time) I want to. Being a single parent for the better part of my life and wearing both the pants and donning the apron at the same time........... I have had my share of roller coaster moments with my 2 girls.

I am glad I do not have to experience getting up at 3 am and realising someone's not home yet, and having to go out in the pouring rain to drive around trying to figure out where my child is. I am glad i do not have to be angered or disappointed to find out my child was not in tuition class when she is supposed to be. I am glad I do not have to worry about whether she will pass her high school exams.......... I am glad my heart does not do sommersaults when or if I find another tatoo or pierce.

How do I live my life the way I want to. I do things that make my heart sing!!! As I flip through the pages of my journal in goals in my life, I find I have this desire to be able to cook good enough to entertain. Why I wrote that......I really don't know. Perhaps it is the sub conscious being desirous to be able to live an enjoyable life where I get to have friends and family over to spend time together. I use to also wish I would be able to work for free..........well I sure am realising this aspect as I do volunteer my time sufficiently to a worthy cause. The delight it gives me surpasses what I ever thought or even imagined.......

Mooncakes any one? Yes, this is the latest of things I did over this last week. Whilst I do not think I am on the lookout for challenges in life........I do create the challenges. I think I have a desire to learn and just want to have the ability to do sometings. It also donned on me why one of my fellow colleague nicknamed me "Ah Mau". I create things which need not be. Let me give you an example.........I bought lotus paste, readily packed etc....but that is not good enough for me. I just went to the store and bough some lotus seeds..........Yes, Ah Mau wants to experience the challenge whether I am able to make my own paste.

Eye lids becoming heavy, it is close to 1.30am...... the fingers even went to this key z z
z z z z z z........