It's the weekend again, and I just returned from a farewell party. I've known Mark for about 5 years now, but truly....... I only REALLY GOT TO KNOW Mark a little more just a couple of months ago. He's a fellow volunteer I work with and the farewell party was to wish him well. He's a young man with a very good attitude towards life. A person with deep thoughts and someone I felt I was just starting to connect with........and now he's leaving.
Whilst I enjoyed the time the few of us were together talking about differing subjects, What I truly liked was the opportunity to get dressed up and be with people whom were very much part of my daily life. Whilst on the outlook, I exude a personality as one who is easy going and cheerful, I sometimes am confused with whom I really am or what exacty is my authentic personality?. My conscious rationalises I am the "spark" because I will do what I feel the environment needs. I have caught myself more than once where I "am the live wire" and then I exit when the momentum gets going. Why do I do that? On a more intimate level, I know I am not comfortable with big parties or cocktails, I would rather intimate and small get togethers....just like what we were doing this evening. In a way, I guess I am more a listener than a talker.
In the party, because I wanted to make an effort to participate, I opened my mouth and I raised a question. The question was if they could remember what was the happiest moment in their lives. What I, initially thought was a simple straight forward question yielded many other opinions and comments that threw me off a little. During the short journey car ride back, I asked my friend Mark to elaborate what he meant when he said the word "separation".... You see what happened was, tears welled up in my eyes when the thought of Mark leaving came to mind. If I could be a little more descriptive, it was as if a small part of my heart was being torn away. His response was plain and simple "Attachement".
Mark is one of the few colleagues I have a good feel about. His persona, and his simplicity is something I find admirable and rare, a quality of a man so young of age. I thoroughly enjoyed our repartee when we had opportunities for short chats. Mind you, Mark is a young man in his early 30s and started volunteering when he was in his 20s! I have also learnt this young man........donates blood regularly, monthly or bi monthly ...........and since college or early working life!!!
Mark reminded me that I am, by comparion, someone who is very in tune with my feelings, and thus simple things can just trigger my senses". I paused to reflect and then agree. I was reminded that when one is high on emotions, one is low on mindfullness i.e. living in the present. Whilst all these were happening , another fellow colleague chips in and said matter of factly............"You have a lot of emotional baggage", and yet another quips in to suggest thoughts that TOMORROW WILL BE THE HAPPIEST MOMENT IN MY LIFE.
Driving back, three things dominated my thoughts.........
- How do I become less intense with my emotions? I know fully well from a conscious level that
extremeties in anything is not good.
- How do I deal and unload my baggage?
- How do I develop a habit of preparing my mind to create the thought that my
HAPPIEST MOMENT IS TOMORROW and now???
These are thoughts for me to mull over.......... the weekend and over and over again. I pray for insight as the going ons continue in THIS EMPTY NEST. Tomorrow.........is a new day and I am going to be happiest as I am going to give myself the New Wardrobe, fix my New bed, New mattress.......A NEW LIFE........in a way.
No comments:
Post a Comment