When there is growth, there is a greater need...

i just finished 31 chapters of Beth Moore's book titled "A heart like His". i have more to go, and unravel the not so pretty sights of King David, but am eager to learn how he perseveres to go after God's heart.

What else comes to mind as i cry my heart out to God is how to and when to. How do i show simplicity and not display my upset with people i favour less. i did not respond to the tugging of a plastic bag as i knew Alfred was kidding around, i did not want to give him the attention he always wanted to kid around. i wish i could be kinder but the flesh in me just creeps up and my way of showing displeasure is i do not respond. How also do i tone down my displeasure in my voice with my princess. It disheartens me to think her world revolves most of the time around herself. God grant me the patience and let not my skin crawl out.

i have in my mind to go for a holiday in Langkawi, i want to enrol in the painting class, i want to pick up the double door fridge as this big one is starting to give trouble. SO many things on my mind of the want to do and desires, but which one takes precedence of the other. i am also thinking i really need to get my administration in order, there is this trip in august, then langkawi in October and my desire for Medan and Silhalpe in December. So many things, God i thank you for the opportunities. My mind has also taken me to Hong Kong, the organisation Siew Mei is involved with. So many things, Lord help me prioritize them, help me organise them.

Father, i know as i grow, there is a greater need to have better administration, not just for filing but for priorities in our lives and what is important and what can wait. Yes, as i hear the cd of praise for you to shower down to this place, and let your presence fill this place.

i love and exhalt you.........

Senior Citizen's speed.....

Imagine, this blog was created 2 years back, and only recently am wondering how people paste photos on their blog. i know how to attach them on emails but only now as i explore further at these little icons above this text message box, did i realise there is one to say insert!!! So this shall have the first photo. Embarrassing but true...will share in fact what happened just last week.

i was a bit disturbed as i could not withdraw more than RM1000 not remembering that i was the one who set the limit. Told my princess about it and she said why not change your limit yourself. Change myself??? She then shows me how it could be done on the ATM. Try to punch in some numbers and because of the speed i was taking to punch in the numbers, i get rejected by the machine.

Fast forward, daughter sights my kawan ku, then says "Mom why don't you get the visa debit card". Visa Debit card??? I go to the bank and then ask about it, and it took me less than 10 minutes to get it. Imagine how jurrasic i felt that day!!! Ok, will give it a shot to just download some photos, so welcome to photo at last.... Picture take at Silhalpe, out of Medan, Indonesia. Photo, seated left Bapak anthony, judy,betty and me. Back, shaun and tea gan.

Recovery and bouncing back....

The tonne of bricks did fall, but i am up and about again. The book of ecclesiast helped me here.

i resigned to the fact that everyone goes through different phases in his or her life. This dear person is going through this phase and i should just pray that there is restoration for him and he be made whole again. God to heal him and he to know and experience God's love in this trying time.

Trying to understand the reason to describe the feeling of an avalanche of tonne of bricks was firstly because it was unexpected and a shock, and secondly my selfish desires to want this friend to be where he normally is. The predictable days and food he so laboriously prepares week after week, the beautiful way he carves the strawberries. The wonders and love he dotes on the patients,his caring ways, it is indeed a struggle not to love him. Everyone adores him.

I do get up now and i thank God for giving me the peace, the wisdom to know that there are people and phases that will come and go in our lives. Not to focus on ourselves but just to think and bless every man we cross paths with.

May His face shine upon you my friend, may God restore your sight back and even better. may He comfort you at times when you should feel down trodden and alone. May God continue to persevere to give you the attitude of acceptance and take everything in your stride. May God extend grace and grant you salvation.........This blog is specially for you.......my dear dear friend.

Tonne of bricks...

What does one do when a tonne of bricks fall on you, you lie there remaining limp and numb and nothing much you can do. That is exactly how i felt when i heard someone very disturbing news. i wanted to express myself but i was lost for words, everything i tried to say to comfort or express myself was met with another back hand.

i could only dwell into myself and pray. Pray that this person comes out of whatever tough times the person is experiencing. Pray that God will hear my earnest prayers and send comfort speedily.........

I am loss for words and i cannot express further

Refresing new experience and understanding...

This week, what started as a big boo boo when i dropped the holy communion elements in church has turned out well after all. Although i learnt that my pastor said it was the first time in his 20 over years as a pastor for anyone to drop these elements in his church,the week has turned out well after all.

The first good thing happened to me when i sent this patient home for the first time. It was so refreshing to see a patient's family member come out to greet the patient and to tell and smile at you with a warm thank you.....It was really refreshing. Though it is not expected that anyone should say thank you and demonstrate appreciation, it really warmed my heart.

Today, thursday again i was assigned to send 2 patients for the first time. It was truly a wonderful sight to behold, as i smiled from ear to ear. I cannot believe the effort and speed one patient went forward for another. Whilst i noticed their friendship in the Day care, with Madam Tan Loy taking food for Madam Chin who needed a walking frame to move around, it was truly a delight to see how quickly again she went forward as she alighted from her side of the car, to quickly open Madam Chin's gate and house door with keys given to her. I was totally at awe at what i saw. What friendship,what beauty and what service above self!.

This evening i invited my pastor out for dinner and it was a good meeting/chat. i must say all that i wanted addressed was addressed. i left the dinner satisfied that i shared things and burden in my heart quite openly and concerns in the most tactful way. My meeting achieved what i wanted for it to do.

I was reminded that what i was experiencing was a phase, perhaps God's prompting for me to intercede for others, for me to experience how His heart grieved when He sees things that aches His heart. All i know is whilst i was trying to understand why i am experiencing and responding the way that i am, i learn that this is a phase of my growth. I pray that the good Lord will continue to allow me to draw closer to Him as i seek His heart and face. I learn that when i am frustrated why a fellow believer does not respond the way that would be pleasing to God, i learn that i should just turn these over to Him who knows all, and to ask Him for wisdom and guidance.

It has been a good week by far, refreshing experiences and a little more understanding how to handle whatever i am experiencing......
Praise God indeed.....

Not quite sure......

It's not too far from midnight as i get back on the net. Tried to go to bed after 10 but could not. There is a headache and not quite sure why, as the day has not been difficult. Am wondering if it is lack of liquids, i need to go fill my cup with water. I feel a chill at the same time, am wondering if it is the second coming of yet another flu, but i did complete my anti biotics. Oh well, i did have a full working week, and Das and Laura want more of my time yet......sigh.

Had a wonderful time with the Lord this morning as i awoke early. Completed David Watson's book, and the two things i take away which i shared in this morning chat with the pastors was the dying pastor said he realised that it is not all the efforts or things he did, but the intensity of the relationship with God. God also reminded him of the other important thing, LOVING PEOPLE through our hearts and with authenticity. i am reminded really of this, as sometimes i think i am just going through the motions and i know i am standing aloof, away as there are some people i do not have an automatic kinship with. My prayer today was Lord give me the ability to love supernaturally.

i found myself hearing or remembering the sounds of the malay praise song, my heart strings are tugged. i do not want to move until and unless i know that it is God's call for me to go so soon again to Indonesia. Pastor Chris reminded me that as we mature, God does not necessarily show us so clearly what He wants us to do, and we must be able to discern and decipher His will. Pastor Todd says Mission is the heartbeat of Jesus. Because i know that i am easily moved myself emotionally, i dare not just jump and say yes, because of 2 things. Firstly, it must be the will of God and not my own, and secondly i need to be prepared, at least spiritually. i found myself counting the days i should stay. Thoughts went to the Pastor's ailing wife. Even as i write i feel choked just thinking about her. Why Lord, is the burden there. i find myself counting if i stayed on when Anthony returned, is it something i need to do for myself, or is it you giving me the nudge to just go spend some time, to let her feel loved and cared for. That God wants to send me to go comfort her. Lord, i plead and cry out to you, please let me know for certain what you want me to do.

My headache is gone, thank you Lord, but i still feel a slight chill. i have with me a book given by someone in christmas of 2006 about the life of David, help me read it and hear your voice Lord.

A Saturday.........

What which was meant to be a fun filled saturday morning going to check out a fun filled place disappeared into mid air, by just by a phone call. However, i am not totally disheartened as i know it is the good lord's doing. I prayed and i guess He answered me by saying "you don't need to spend time doing this"........Cest la vie.

Well, i find myself soaking into work and the thought of wanting to do some baking, but instead perhaps will just chill out and exercise my fingers. I visited someone who is very sick and in hospital, and visiting her was more to support my friend than actually wanting to visit this person. i will remember the smile on her lips as she has reconciled with her estranged husband. i guess women especially just need to be loved, and when her husband has started to come back and visit with her, she just radiates. Whilst it is good to see her happy, in a way is it not sad that we are affected by circumstances in our lives. If only we were less governed by emotions and the need for love or belonging, but then again i guess we are wired to be wanted and similarly love back.

All in day's work......and it was wonderful and a real joy to see and know she has found some peace or tinge of joy.