It's not too far from midnight as i get back on the net. Tried to go to bed after 10 but could not. There is a headache and not quite sure why, as the day has not been difficult. Am wondering if it is lack of liquids, i need to go fill my cup with water. I feel a chill at the same time, am wondering if it is the second coming of yet another flu, but i did complete my anti biotics. Oh well, i did have a full working week, and Das and Laura want more of my time yet......sigh.
Had a wonderful time with the Lord this morning as i awoke early. Completed David Watson's book, and the two things i take away which i shared in this morning chat with the pastors was the dying pastor said he realised that it is not all the efforts or things he did, but the intensity of the relationship with God. God also reminded him of the other important thing, LOVING PEOPLE through our hearts and with authenticity. i am reminded really of this, as sometimes i think i am just going through the motions and i know i am standing aloof, away as there are some people i do not have an automatic kinship with. My prayer today was Lord give me the ability to love supernaturally.
i found myself hearing or remembering the sounds of the malay praise song, my heart strings are tugged. i do not want to move until and unless i know that it is God's call for me to go so soon again to Indonesia. Pastor Chris reminded me that as we mature, God does not necessarily show us so clearly what He wants us to do, and we must be able to discern and decipher His will. Pastor Todd says Mission is the heartbeat of Jesus. Because i know that i am easily moved myself emotionally, i dare not just jump and say yes, because of 2 things. Firstly, it must be the will of God and not my own, and secondly i need to be prepared, at least spiritually. i found myself counting the days i should stay. Thoughts went to the Pastor's ailing wife. Even as i write i feel choked just thinking about her. Why Lord, is the burden there. i find myself counting if i stayed on when Anthony returned, is it something i need to do for myself, or is it you giving me the nudge to just go spend some time, to let her feel loved and cared for. That God wants to send me to go comfort her. Lord, i plead and cry out to you, please let me know for certain what you want me to do.
My headache is gone, thank you Lord, but i still feel a slight chill. i have with me a book given by someone in christmas of 2006 about the life of David, help me read it and hear your voice Lord.
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